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Dating, It's All In The Attitude
Do you find yourself not wanting to go on dates for fear of
rejection or disappointment? Do you ever say to yourself, It
just isn't worth it, or What is the use? Chances are, if you
have been experiencing any of these attitudes or feelings, you
need to adjust your approach and expectations of dating to make
it a more enjoyable experience.
Whether or not you have good time on a date really has little
to do with who you are dating or where you go on your date. The
secret to having a good date is in the attitude that you approach
dating with.
For starters, dont go into a date with grandiose expectations
of this person being "the one.
You are only setting yourself
up for disappointment if you do that. Let's face it, chances
are he or she is not "the one, or "your soulmate. And, even
if this person is what you are looking for, if you hype the date
up with lots of expectations, you are bound to be disappointed
in what actually transpires on your date.
Along with allaying unrealistic expectations for your date,
you also need to liberate yourself from paranoid negative thinking,
such as "He/She won't like me," "I know this is a waste of time,
it always is," and "I am sure he/she is just another player," etc.
These are just displays of a defeatist attitude that won't get
you anywhere in life, let alone on a date.
Instead, what you could do is enter into your dates with a
positive attitude and modest expectations. Being mindful of the
following things will help make any date a positive experience:
1. Dating is an opportunity to get to know someone new and share
their company while engaging in activities -- nothing more,
nothing less. Sure, it is great when you make a special connection,
where both parties feel a unique bonding; however, finding that
special, special someone is a difficult task. It takes dating;
lots of dates, until you happen upon your soulmate. But until
then, just go out, relax, and enjoy yourself.
2. In conversation there is no right or wrong thing to say.
There is no
prescription for good conversation, or what topics to engage in. Just be
natural, and say what comes to mind.
However, you should try to avoid
saying hurtful things about one another.
If you do feel you need to
communicate something that your date may be sensitive to, try to couch
it as best as you can so as to minimize hurt feelings.
3. If you feel uncomfortable or nervous, rather than hide it
from your date, openly acknowledge it. This type of revealing
usually puts others at ease and lets them know you are sincere.
4. Be yourself, there is no better person to be. Some people try
to hide themselves for fear of rejection, but the truth of the
matter is, you are looking for someone who will accept you and
care for you, and if they never see who you are, because you
conceal it from them or put up a facade, then they can never
really love you. They may learn to like who they think you
are, but when the real you is revealed it is likely to be
another story.
5. Dating is a learning experience. Like anything you get better
at it with practice, and with practice you will learn to let
down your guard, relax and minimize your expectations to just
having an enjoyable evening.
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