Is love at first sight really possible or is it just infatuation? Does it take time to know whether we are really inlove or can we know right away?

While many people believe in love at first sight, at leastin principle, most people agree there are dangers in instant romance.

Exactly why is it important to take plenty of time when itcomes to getting involved in a relationship? The most importantreason is that you really don't know a person until you've spenta great deal of time together. Since you don't really know this person, your feelings of "love" are no doubt based more on fantasy than reality, more on the illusion of who you want him orher to be rather than who he or she really is. You may thinkyou know all you need to know based on your intense attractionbut many, many people have had disastrous results from this kind of thinking. you owe it to yourself to take time to get toknow a person before getting to deeply involved. It's hard enough to make a relationship nowadays. Why risk a broken heartbecause you jumped in too fast?

It takes time to get to know one another, to discoverwhether you have compatible interests, beliefs and values. and it takes time to develop trust and discover whether you are capable of resolving conflicts and disagreements.

While you don't need to view every potential partner as apotential spouse or a major risk, you do want to find out as much about him or her as you can in order to determine if you and yournew love interest are compatible and to rule out any potential problems. take the time to get to know someone new by observinghim or her in a variety of situations and in various moods.Notice how your new love interest treats other people, what he orshe says about other people, and how much of himself or herselfhe or she is willing to share with you.

Second, if you become involved too quickly you run the risk of being disappointed later on when you discover who your partnerreally is. We all try to put our best foot forward when we firststart dating and most of us are a little dishonest about who we really are when we first meet someone. And many of us have a tendency to idealize a new love interest instead of being willingto really get to know the real person. If this scenario soundsfamiliar don't continue to set yourself up by rushing blindlyinto another relationship. Decide that this time you are going todo it differently.

Third, getting involved too quickly can be a sure-fire wayto lose yourself. This is particularly true for women. What do Imean by "losing yourself"? When we lose ourselves we lose touchwith our sense of self, our identity. We lose track of our realfeelings and may begin to question our beliefs, our values anddoubt our perceptions. We lose ourselves in relationships by giving up important aspects of our life such as our time with ourfriends, our time alone, and our time pursuing our hobbies andinterests. Before we know it we're spending more time with ourpartner and his or her friends, doing the things our partnerlikes to do instead of what we really love to do.

Here are some specific strategies that will help those ofyou who tend to get involved too quickly to slow down. These strategies will also help discourage a partner who is pushing youto get involved too fast.

1. Instead of misinterpreting your feelings of "instantattraction" as the real thing, begin to view them with a morerealistic, skeptical eye. As good as it may feel to be with this new person, if you don't know who he or she really is you areessentially entering into a relationship with a stranger.Don't allow the fact that you've "fallen in love" (or more accurately in lust) with someone blind you to finding out moreabout him-- his family background, his relationship history, hiswork history, his plans for the future.

2. No matter how wonderful you feel a new man or a new woman is,go slow. Don't go out more than two times in one week and don'thave long phone conversations (more than 20 minutes) more thantwice a week. Give yourself time between dates and evenings when you don't talk to one another on the phone. This will give you the opportunity to reconnect with yourself and will help youmaintain your sense of separateness.

3. Don't jump into bed right away, no matter how strong the chemistry between you. Having sex too early on makes youextremely vulnerable and will cause you to lose your objectivityand this is what probably got you into trouble in the past.Recent studies have shown that most couples now have fourdates before having sex and this sounds fairly appropriate. Youneed at least this much time to get to know each other and todevelop emotional intimacy.

4. Make your decision to have sex a conscious, deliberate onebased on whether you are ready for sexual intimacy instead ofletting your hormones dictate your behavior. And have a discussion beforehand as to just what type of relationship youare going to have. For example, are you each going to continue todate other people or be monogamous? Are both of you interested inpursuing a committed relationship or not?

5. Don't tell your new love interest your life history on your first few dates. It's important to be open and honest about whoyou are but it isn't safe or healthy to bare your soul and tell anew man or woman your deepest, darkest secrets when you first meet.

Only time will tell if a new love interest is someone whosehabits, values and attitudes are compatible with yours andsomeone you'll feel comfortable with on a daily basis. We all have an ideal self we present to new partners in order to impress them. Only by being around each other over a period time will you each drop your facades and begin to show your realselves. Make sure you aren't already locked into a commitment bythe time this happens.